Heads: I want a do over (A Ficlet)
by gogirrrr
Summary: This was inspired by the promo for "Go It Alone." I love the idea of Calzona moving forward and adding to their family. And I've been obsessing on how exactly the miscarriage will be brought back up, especially, obviously, from Arizona's perspective. Would she be scared to carry, knowing that she could lose another child or would she want to have a "do over?"


It was the morning after the declaration to each other that they both wanted a baby. They came home that night and made love to celebrate their decision to expand their family.

Callie held out a quarter in her right hand. George Washington looked up amused at how many times he has been used to decide major life events. "Heads, I will get pregnant and tails..." Callie quickly raised her eyebrow at Arizona.

"... I get pregnant." Arizona quickly finished.

Callie closed her hand enough to bring the quarter between her index finger and thumb. "Okay..." Callie prefaced as she was about to flip the quarter in the air.

Arizona quickly grabbed Callie's hands. "Wait."

Callie, startled by both the sudden touch and the tone in Arizona's voice, looked up with concern at her wife.

"Wait. Just wait." Arizona whispered.

Callie's mind began to race. She thought that they were finally beginning to once again be in sync with each other and finally be on the same word, in the same sentence, on the same page of the same book. "Do you not want to..." Callie began softly.

Arizona brought her eyes from their hands to look into Callie's eyes. Callie looked scared. Arizona hated both their instinct of thinking the worse anytime one of them had 'something important to say.' Just like last night. Arizona immediately thought Callie had cheated on her.

"Babe?" Callie urged softly when Arizona silently continued the conversation with herself.

Arizona smiled. "I love you. I just want you to know that I love you. And I can't wait to have a child with you, _our_ child." Although Arizona was legally and fully, in her heart, Sofia's mother, conceiving a child together would be a first for them. Callie, therefore, knew what Arizona meant. "I love you so so much."

"I love you so so much." Callie declared for the second time in the last fourteen hours. "Ready?"

Arizona nodded as she leaned in and gave Callie a quick kiss. "Yup, let's do this!"

"Heads, me; tails, you." Callie kissed Arizona back.

Callie flipped the coin in the air. She caught the coin above their heads, quickly made a fist and brought her hands together. Arizona clasped her hands around Callie's. They deeply looked into each other eyes and smiled. Arizona nodded and put her hands on her thighs.

Callie quickly raised her right hand. They both looked down.

"Heads."

"Best out of three," Arizona quickly said.

"Honey..."

"Calliope, best two out of three."

Callie slowly nodded and laughed. "Okay, best two out of three."

Callie flipped the quarter again. Heads.

"Best of five."

"Babe, this isn't a competition..."

"Calliope, I am _not_ competing with _you_. I promise; that's it. Best out of five."

Callie flipped the quarter again. Tails.

"Yes. Got one."

Callie flipped the quarter a fourth time. Tails.

"Okay, here's the tie breaker. And this is it, right? No, best out of seven if this comes up heads?"

"Promise. Flip it!"

Callie flipped the quarter a fifth time. Tails.

"Unbelievable."

Arizona smiled smugly. "When it's meant to be. It's meant to be."

"So... do you want to tell me what that whole thing was about?"

"I want to carry our child."

"Then why didn't you say anything earlier? We didn't need to go through this whole 'flipping of the coin' thing."

"I didn't realize just how much I wanted to carry until I saw 'heads' and then the second 'heads.'

Callie had assumed Arizona would have reservations about carrying after her miscarriage last year.

"I want to do this. I need to do this."

"Arizona, who are you competing with?"

"What?"

"Arizona..." Callie encouraged but patiently waited.

"I'm competing with... me."

Callie looked up, nodded in acknowledgement and allowed Arizona to continue without interrupting. Since the reconciliation, that was something Callie was really working on. She realized Arizona was contemplative and always needed more time to formulate and articulate her thoughts. She reached out to hold Arizona's hand, rubbing Arizona's palm with her thumb.

"My old me," Arizona finished so softly Callie almost didn't hear her. "I mean the old new me. I hate her, Callie. I hate who she was. I hate that she was mad at you. I hate that she was a hateful bitch. I hate what she did to us. What she did to you. What she did with..."

"Arizona..."

"I'm better than her. I need to know that I'm better than her." Arizona began to cry. "I need to know that I can bring a baby, our baby into the world. That the _new_ new me won't lose _your_ baby, our baby."

"Honey," Callie shook her head. "You know I don't blame you and you should blame you. New You. Old You. Old New New You." Callie giggled, trying to make a joke.

"I _do_ blame me!" Arizona continued to cry. "I am so sorry, Callie."

Callie loudly forced out an exhale. "That's it! We're done!"

"What? No, Callie, don't le..." Damn, this instinct!

"We're done apologizing to each other. Broken promises. Broken vows. No baby. It's all in the past. No one is cheating. No one is leaving. _That_ is the new old us' story, Arizona. The new new us are moving forward. The new new us need to forgive the old new us."

Arizona sat up straight, squared her shoulders and smiled lovingly at her wife.

"You're right. I'm sor..." Arizona nodded her head in agreement. "New new us moving forward. No more apologies."

* * *

Arizona rolled over to watch Callie's sleeping form rise and fall in time with each loud snore. On Callie's chest was a balled up Sofia. Arizona groaned as she stretched, trying to get comfortable. As she made a mental note to bring a motion at the next board meeting to have pillowtop mattresses in the maternity ward, the door of her room opened.

"Good morning, mommies!" sang Nurse Carol, who was wheeling in a bassinet. "I have someone who is ready for his first breakfast."

Arizona smiled and held out her arms. "Hey, Mister Man."

"Mama, wanna see baby brudder." Sofia wiggled against Callie waking her up.

"Look, Mami, who is here!" Arizona smiled at her wife.

Callie got up to join Sofia, who was already leaning against Arizona's hospital bed. "Look at our _adorable and delicious_ handsome man. Hey, buddy!"

"Speaking of which, if you're ready, we'd like to complete the birth certificate."

Both Arizona and Callie nodded.

"First name?"

Callie smiled at Arizona and said, "His first name is Timothy."

"And will there be a middle name?"

"Yes, his middle name is Mark!" Arizona continued.

"Daddy!"

"Yes, Mija, that's your daddy's name," Callie joined in.

"Got it. Thank you. Just buzz us when you're ready for us to bring him back to the nursery."

Arizona nodded as she looked down at their son.

"Happy first morning, Timothy Mark Robbins Torres!" Arizona looked up and smiled at Callie. "I love you so much!"

Callie leaned down to kiss the top of Sofia's head, reached over to twirl a few short blonde locks on their son's head and then met Arizona's blue eyes. "I love you so so much! This is the new new new us!"

"Yay, the new new new us!"


End file.
